I recently met someone who told me that they had been desperately unhappy for the past three years. This person lives in a beautiful part of America, is intelligent, handsome, funny, kind, healthy and only 32 years old! Why would someone like him not be excited about life every day when he wakes up?  Was it his job?  No, he likes his work.  Does he feel underpaid?  No.  Does he have a nice place to live?  Yes.  So what is wrong?  He is lonely. Why would a young man like him not have someone to share life with?  I knew that whatever I told him, he already knew. So why does he persist in living his life unhappily without the Will to change it?

Sometimes we don't know HOW to change ourselves so that we can get what we want . It all seems overwhelming. If this is the case, I suggest THREE STEPS.
The first step is to make your bed every morning after you get up. Do it immediately after you get out of bed. This is a simple action that you have to make a commitment to do EVERY DAY. When you start your day in this way you're telling yourself that you are going to be positive about the rest of your day. You must make this effort in self discipline if you truely want to change your life. There is no reason that making your bed every morning cannot be performed. As you are making the the bed, visualize the person you want to live with. Ask yourself if the person you want would like to live in your home with you. If you think your home is a mess and you would not want to bring anyone there, then spend 30 minutes everyday organizing your home. Within 2 weeks you should have a place that reflects an environment someone would want to live in. If you would do this for the one you love to be happy, then why not do it for yourself? Your home is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Take charge of it and you will begin the process of taking charge of your life. If you leave for work in the morning and have not made your bed, if you leave your clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, etc., you are sending out a message to the world that you do not care about yourself. Why should anyone care about you if you do not care about yourself? If you want love, you have to give love - first to yourself. If you cannot do this, I do not think your chances of ever having a mutually loving relationship will ever happen. So you need to ask yourself : "What is my investment in being alone?" Look in the mirror when you ask yourself this. If you want a partner but can't even put forth the effort to make your bed once a day, then how much do you really want someone?

The second step is physical exercise. It doesn't matter if it is even just 5 minutes. It doesn't matter if it is only a fast walk. You must begin to do something physical for yourself. The important part is that you give yourself a time limit which you keep to that is realistic. Is there any reason you cannot devote 5 minutes a day to some form of exercise? After 2 weeks of 5 minutes a day, then push yourself to 10 minutes. I can't say this enough times: Self Discipline is the key to success, happiness and fulfillment of your dreams. It is important to make a schedule and to keep to it. Make a promise to yourself. If you cannot keep your promise to yourself, how can you keep a promise to anyone else? Everyone can have love. It takes effort.

The third step is to put yourself 'out there' in a sincere way to meet people. For example, if you like learning about ceramics, take a class. Maybe you want to learn a language or even try country and western dancing. Do something that even if there was no one in that class who interested you romantically, you would enjoy learning something. You will meet others in the class and one never knows who they will meet through through these new acquaintances with whom you have something in common. If there are no classes in your community that interest you, there might be volunteer opportunities where you can help others: a buddy program, helping the blind by reading, delivering meals, etc. By putting yourself out into the world and by putting love into the world, you will get love back.

These 3 steps must be taken if you do not want to live alone. Nothing will change till you change. Life does not go on forever. There is only so much time on this planet and it is up to you to make it your paradise or your hell. You do not have to be alone. It is a choice. If you are willing to drop whatever 'investment' you have in seeing yourself as a loner or a loser and turn that into an investment into making yourself a "winner," you will find the help you need in making the changes to do so.


Utopian1 said…
I want to thank you very much for your blog. It is helping me tremendously decide on some new goals, and, amazingly, it seems, achieving them!

In the last few months I've been signed to an agency out of France, had numerous of my photos published in various places, and have built a new office for myself! This last one is definitely me on the first step to that discipline you are talking about.

With the office, comes the new file cabinet, that I must now fill up! But one step at a time. And I feel like I'm walikng at least now. Literally, as well as figuratively.

I use the stairs now, instead of the elevator. I have lost ten pounds and am starting to feel better, both inside and out. And maybe, just maybe, with all this stuff going on, and my apartment beginning to become my own little paradise - maybe I will not be alone for too much longer?

It's been years since there's been someone in my life. And it is so strange, but even before your last posting, I began making my bed daily! And fixing up the place I just inherited from my Mom. I had been taking care of her during her failing health and passing over the last 5 years. The place is now mine, and it is finally beginning to show that, 6 months after my Mom's death.

I am babbling now... but, I wanted to thank you for your postings and your site. Dancing For Mental Health has ALWAYS been one of my favorite works of art/albums/self-help guides/groove-inducing mind-altering fun-filled flings; now your blog is too!

Thanks So Much,
J - Utopian1
Anonymous said…
thanks for sharing your thoughts... i feel so alone and so lonely right now... well, these past few weeks to be honest... I've decided to make up my bed... starting tomorrow.

Jane said…
I have been ever so fond of ALL YOUR WORKS!!
You are 1 bright light, and 1 sharp tool in the shed!!
I am reading several books about SELF HELP, and SELF LOVE. Everything begins with your own LIGHT and living your BLISS as best you can. I'm reading Carl Roger's " ON BECOMING A PERSON." Actually just found it near the CO-OP Market in boxes on the curb people were going through. I decided to go ,and see if there were any books I might enjoy. I also found ,David Burns "INTIMATE CONNECTIONS."
I am reading them for exactly the very reasons, and stuff you mentioned here. So Important!!
I know due to serious health problems,the death of my ex-boyfriend ,and my ma I had to get more focused on HAPPY ,FUN CREATIVE STUFF.
Speaking of that,your YOU TUBE VIDEOS are defiantly on my "THINGS THAT BRING ME JOY." List.
I don't make my bed, because I prefer to air out my sheets, quilts, and pillows. So I do START with fixing up my bed, making it ready for how I like it. Yes if I had company ,and they MIGHT see the bedroom, well I'd make it then..
I am however, overwhelmed with STUFF,since my ma died,I have tons of stuff I must part with. I am fixing things that need touch up, repairing, and then selling the items.. I have no work now, due to many years of being very ill with CFS/FM, plus digestion,allergies to SOY dairy,and gluten. I only found out after some 25 years of being ill after I'd eat.I had digestive problems via being a sickly child from too may antibiotics.
I was a pretty girl,but well ,ABUSED most of my life by ,MEN.I don't remember all of it, But THE BODY REMEMBERS,actually a A book TITLE by BABBETT ROTHCHILD. WHO DOES EMDR THEAPY",or TRAVELS, and TALKS ABOUT IT. SHE IS TOO BUSY to see too many people privately.
After my ma's death I decided to do thing I enjoyed or had never tried but always wanted to try. So it was TAP DANCING ,and FLYING. Tap was too tough for my old bones, and poor health. Flying was far too expensive for my pocket book. But I got over my FEAR of FLYING, and NOW l LOVE FLYING in SMALL AIRCRAFT!! YEA!! I have loved airplanes especially the B 17's I kinda see myself like them. They could get all shot up, and still make a landing. They were amazing planes!! I think my life and me is much like them. Kick me,beat me,put stuff in my way,make things tough for me and i find a way to go forward,and overcome them..
I am watching many comedian's ... laughing a LOT,SINGING,which I love!! In a Gospel Choir, even though I am NOT RELIGIOUS, funny, but the music makes me feel so happy,as does other music..Even Tom Waits! music makes me feel good.
I am already a college grad, a head start ,high school,and college teacher, but as you say learning never stops, and I LOVE TO LEARN NEW THINGS it help me heal. I do things that are my BLISS! The ARTS! Also believe it, or not.. Last year I won Juror's Choice for a photo I shot of a sax player. I choose to keep the color in , and did NOT need to CROP IT. It was already cropped just right in the camera. I do that often.. Saves work later..If getting the shot doesn't suffer,of course. DON'T HAVE Photoshop.,anyhow.. I got my photo on the banner announcing the show. I was so proud. I love shooting candid photos. I probably will upgrade to a CANNON so I can shoot even better photos.
So I am doing many things I enjoy, Improv,singing,and writing, and attending many art openings. Love new artists,unknown people,un-famous folks. I watched American Idol, too. My classmate Chekezie was on. I think my 300, or 400 votes got him into the final 10. That was my hope,because I knew then he would go on the tour and his life would be changed hopefully for the better.
Anyhow, I am doing as much as my health will allow. But I still seem to be unable to find the right ones for me. A best friend a pal to do things with. The folks I attend school with are either 19 or 79 +++, and very conserative, I am very libral,and progressive.
I've even started to gown organic veggies in large pots. More freedom for me.
Taking more control of my life. like the HOMESTEADERS IN PASADENA. do. They have their whole front and backyard a garden. they have goats and chickens for eggs. I guess the goat for milk maybe cheese too. They are a very GREEN FAMILY 4 in the family. All quite their jobs and just run their Homestead and sell to people and restaurants. . THEY ARE SUCH A COOL FAMILY.
I wish I had a sister,or a brother. Many of my dear friends live elsewhere in too hot ,or too cold places.
I am also sadly allergic to the SUN and heat!! That really sucks badly!! I have such an old car and a car I can't put air in. i tried, it kills the engine.
I feel ill often..I have skin cancer,emphysema,and a host of painful bone disorders due to years of malnutrition, getting out of shape, from too much pain, and being bedridden so often.
So, I did kinda let myself go, due to so much pain... I gained weight,got diabetes ,and that make my self esteem even worse!!
I do put myself out there .Do what I love as much as my health allows. I get bronchial pneumonia all the time, So I am sick for 5 weeks at a time which means no school ,and little food. I can only eat certified organic foods, and NO SOY,DAIRY or GLUTEN. MOST RESTAURANTS, EVEN VEGEN USE TONS OF SOY, dairy ,or gluten. I can't order food, and am just often too ill to get up ,and prepare rice,or rice noodles, or keep enough fresh food that requires NO preparation in my apt.5 weeks is a long time.
So having a best friend ,or a relationship for me can become a matter of life, and death!!
I have NO ONE TO HELP ME when I can't get out of bed or go to get fresh food etc.
My apt. is NOT YET READY FOR ANYONE TO BE IN IT, either... I am embarrassed by all the stuff I need to sell.It is nice stuff.. But keeping up with the ads,is tough. They don't stay posted very long. I have too much stuff waiting to be sold. I do need the money for the foods I eat. Thus the potted garden. I don't have much space for the pots,but something is better than nothing...
I would love to just donate all the stuff, but I wouldn't get a tax write off since I can't work. I use to be an actress also. I loved that, but it was long and grueling hours..I couldn't do the 17 hour days
I am on several dating services, but have met only 2 guys.. many live very far away or have kids,pets,or sick parents they care for and also jobs. Many LOVE SPORTS and SUN activities i can't do..Or they are religious, or I'm too old they think for them. I prefer older men,but the few I've chatted with seem quite set in their ways, and just can't seem to make time to get together,or they go to bed too early.
I'm a doer,and keep my chin up as best I can. laugh a lot, seem to enlighten many folks my life touches.. about SOY, HEMP, and how good it is for you to drink,or eat, and wear too!!.
Anyhow, I just wanted to get in touch with you.
I guess you are pretty busy with all the wonderful things you do.
I have turned others on to your videos ,and photos. I believe in passing on things you know that might brighten some else's life up. I think you, and your works are thought provoking ,fun and informative. So I share what I've seen of your works as often as I can.
Thank you so much for changing the world one grain of sand at a time, Will Powers!!
Ciao for now bright,clever lady...
Anonymous said…
thanks for this...i have been feeling very bad about myself, starting to feel bitter at my friends for being happy, and thinking, how come they are the lucky ones, not even realizing that i have the same right to achieve what i want! i was once a happy person, and resentment, bitterness, anger, sorrow, hate have replaced all that is good in my life, i wish to change, and at first i thought it was just a state of mind, how one percives itself, but it is so much more, it is about taking that that first step, just so you would start the change, like making one's bed...i have never had this habit, starting day 1, and guess what, i'm a few kilos overweight, and my dishes and dust bunnies are pilling up, i'm falling apart...and now i realize, thank you, your writing was the final hit to open my eyes, the missing piece to the puzzle, thanks
Sunflower said…
i have made my bed for years every apartment is always people ready....i am an aerobics instructor...all 3 recommendations well taken care of....what else do you have>:)
Sunflower said…
I make my bed. I have a clean apartment. And I'm an aerobics instructor. All three recommendations well taken care of....for some time now.......what next
Hamish said…
I love this advice - it is so simple and so direct. Of course, no matter how motivated anyone is, for some reason you can slip into a bit of a rut and with such a simple start, I found myself kicked back into gear. It only took me making my bed once and then smiling to myself when I came home to the small treat.

Thanks for your contribution!
Anonymous said…
i hate being alone, and it is certainly no fun at all. when your married for such a very long time, it is a wonderful thing to have that love for one another instead of having no one at all. my wife was the one that cheated on me, and i was a very happily married man at the time knowing what i had at home and didn't have to go out looking for it anymore. i hope to find love again soon.

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